8.30pm

He wasn't due home until 5.45pm tonight.

He called me at 5pm to say that he was leaving work and had to call at the shop for some bread. I know that this will take him 45 minutes. I asked if he would call at the large supermarket for the bread because I also needed some aspirin and he could get both there. He said no, he was calling at the local shop. They don't sell aspirin there.

At 5.15pm I was sat at the back of the house, in front of the PC. It just happens to be next to the back door. I was on the phone to ~S~. There is a large glass window right next to me. I was also in the process of shutting down the PC as he doesn't approve of me being on it when he is home.

Then there is a really hard bang on the glass of the window and he flings open the back door. He is half an hour early so he must have been lying to me when he called me at 5pm, he must have already been in the village. I put the phone down quickly and got up. I said that he had frightened me by coming in like that - he said he had meant to.

Then he had a go about me being on the PC.I was standing up and he put down his bag and grabbed for my breasts really hard, slapping them. I pushed him away and he grabbed my wrists and just looked at me. That is the first time he has ever done anything physical, I don't think it counts really but he hurt me and I told him so.

I started to busy myself with making dinner, and asking him about his day. Every time I asked him something he answered with 'It's none of your fucking business'. Even when I asked him if he wanted his dinner before or after his shower, the answer was 'It's none of your fucking business'. I gave up and just made dinner.

I heard him go through to the lounge where the eldest child was watching television. As he walked past, he called our eldest child 'Fatso'. There was no reason for this, no justification.

Then he starts trying to have a 'conversation' with me from the lounge, he's shouting at me that he's going to clear out the loft space as it is full of 'your crap' and he is going to throw it all away. But he will keep any empty boxes he finds because I will need them when we spilt up. This is shouted through the house, in front of the eldest child. I don't know how to respond so I say nothing. I know this is cowardly of me. I'm trying not to cry.

I don't care if we spilt up but I do care that he says these things in front of our children.

A short while later we all sat at the table having dinner. I'm trying to lighten the atmosphere, asking the children about school. He finishes his dinner, goes to his bag and pulls out a huge bag of Doritos and teases the children with them, saying that they can't have any and he will eat them all in front of them. The youngest child gets up and goes to hug him and says 'I love you daddy'. He pushes youngest child away and says 'I don't love you'. Youngest child bursts into tears, I reach for child and start comforting - saying that he didn't mean it and was only messing. I shout at him that he can't say things like that to children - I was angry and he could tell. He can mess with my head but he can't mess with theirs.

I'm not sure why but I feel like a powerless child.